Playing Church and Missing God

I remember the day the gavel hit and I was declared divorced. A slew of emotions hit and this was something I chose for reasons I won't bore you with here. I recall walking out of the courthouse with a sense of relief that healing could now begin. But the story really starts before that...in the experience with playing church. I am sure I was not alone sitting in the pews Sunday after Sunday suffering a lonely stale death with the happy face play church kind of look. You know the one I am sure...the conversations start with: "How are you? Nice to see you." Noone really wants to know how you are, but I responded equally with a very dishonest, "Great, and how are you?" I really didnt want to know any more than others wanted to know the sorted details of the hell I was living or the hell I was feeling. So we all just put the mask on and play church. I remember wondering how many people felt like I did. Felt that this was nothing more than a painful event that drove me further into isolation and sadness. I didn't dare confide in anyone in my Sunday school class who turned their backs when I walked in. I figured was probably because my son won out a spot on the baseball field over theirs and all the buddies gang up and turn their backs too. Or..the gossip called "Prayer requests" that were discussed over coffee to get details and share opinions on why this would happen...what they did to deserve this...how they must not have cared enough...you have heard it before I am sure. I remember thinking myself, "I may be in hell...but at least I am not divorced." I counseled with the pastor who did his best, but failed to really address the issues that he was untrained to handle and unable to fully comprehend. "Divorce was not an option" and I left feeling more helpless and hopeless than ever. Many people seek help, but can't find it in the one place you should be able to be fully you, fully honest, fully revealed and fully helped and healed. Why can't we? When as the paster of Springcreek Community Church in Garland, TX so perfectly asked, "When did the church become the least safe place to be real?" His church is real and many others are too. Divorced doesn't mean discarded, declined, de-valued. To think that the reformed alcoholic, addict or adulterer can find acceptance in change and even be given a place of leadership, but NOT the divorced is quite incredible. Several organizations who call themselves the church or biblically based organizations and bible studies decided that DIVORCED EQUALS DISQUALIFIED. I remember a national bible study organization disqualified my best friend (the most Godly woman I have ever known) from leadership because her husband left her and her 3 children and she was divorced, however, the towns meanest, biggest gossip who destroyed more people with her tongue than Atilla the Hun was embraced because she wasn't. I say this not to start a bitter war of words, but to point out the silliness of our human condition, our complete inability to just listen to the words of a loving, forgiving God. He is soooo not about us playing "I have it all together and you need to be like me." Jesus is about healing the sick and comforting the broken hearted. The actions described above must grieve him because it is why people are more welcome in the bars than in the church, find honest friendships not in the church, but with real people struggling with real problems. My mission and many others is to debunk the idea that Christians are sinless, uncaring, unaccepting, judgement driven people. My hearts cry is for those who are in despair and want "The Real Jesus" to meet Him. The REAL JESUS. Jesus didn't judge anyone....why do we? So wrong, so typical...so like us. But please know this is NOT from God. This is NOT the heart of JESUS!!!! I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE IS LOVING FORGIVING AND WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN OUR HEARTS AND TO BELIEVE IN HIM. The Jesus I know is the best friend, kindest heart and most real person I know. Divorce does not mean disqualified to HIM....His love is the same regardless of our legal condition. So I am NOT playing Church...and my church is REAL and people are changed,and experience real true friendship and joy. I invite you to explore the possibilities that maybe Jesus is there waiting for an opportunity to blow your mind with his love and goodness...just a thought...So, if you have stayed away from God and His church believing that ALL Christians are judgmental, hypocrites, mean, give God another opportunity. Rest can be found in a loving caring church home with Christians who reflect the characteristics of Christ. Thank you to Rick Warren, Steven Curtis Chapman and others who have Lived Out Loud with such a powerful example of what grace, mercy and strength from a living Lord can do. You are Jesus in skin.