Runaway Bride=Vomiting Groom

Yep, I know it sounds like the perfect love story...ok, not really, but it is my story. I was visiting with a long time friend and we were discussing the wedding story that made headlines...my wedding story. If you have seen me on the talk show circuit, understand, this was before the talk shows were turned into incest stories and whose your mama stories. This story hit Cosmo, Golf Digest, National Inquirer (hilarious) and several major talk show and magazine headlines and how it came about what quite funny. My cousin worked at a very large mall in Houston and there was a woman who had written a book called, "There is no such thing as a perfect wedding." Sitting on her book signing table was a placecard that read 'Tell me your best wedding story." My cousin shared mine. Next day I received a call from a major talk show and I hung up 3 times before calling back and realizing someone found my story of interest. Within 2 days I was on a flight to New York to share on National Television my story. I was 22 at the time, engaged for a year to one of the funniest people I had met in college, a brit. He was incredibly charming with wit and intelligence. I fell in love, got engaged, traveled and met the parents, and planned my perfect wedding. He and I were graduating from University of Texas - go horns! - and planning the wedding that would take place on graduation weekend, the trip to England to live, and finishing moving arrangements. The Wedding: The plan was to be at the church for pictures before the ceremony and then we would have the ceremony and the reception afterwards. Everyone arrived, but no groom or groomsmen. Back in the day...dinosaur age, we had no cell phones or I probably would have said many things that day which a nice woman wouldn't say. We went ahead and had pictures with my family. I went into the back room and waited for word that my groom had arrived. Several minutes later my mother came in with a very strange look on her face and announced he was here. I asked if everything was ok and with a quick response of "yes", I was ushered into the church to prepare for my entrance. Walked with emotion down the aisle to see my red-faced groom (had to be so nervous) waiting for his beloved bride. I knelt down with him and took a good look at him. Yep, you guessed it he was completely inebriated! After shock and disbelief, I became downright angry. Are you kidding me??? My aunt got up and was singing a song so carefully chosen for the moment and the next thing I knew my groom was attempting to sing along. I pinched him, squeezed flesh until it had to have been bruised and threatened many unspeakable things to convince him to be quiet,however, nothing seem to silence him. He just kept saying "don't get mad" and attempted to echo the song. Needless to say, as the vows approached it became clearly evident and decided this was NOT happening today!!! A meeting was requested and I watched in horror as the familiar roll of the throat started in this huge body next to me. I pushed his head away and the expulsion of vomit began and continued relentlessly. The groomsmen and bridesmaids jumped back to avoid the splash on the marble altar. Shock and awe really doesn't adequately describe the scene. I attempted to depart and my dress was stuck under his knees, so I tugged and was finally released to run behind the altar to the dressing room. While asking my mother to get the dress off of me, I heard a huge bang. I was told he tried to get up and fell onto the altar. The priest so delicately announced that "weddings do not always turn out the way they should." Hmmm...interesting choice of words. He did announce, "oh, but by the way, you can help yourself to the food in the reception hall." After all, it was paid for and hate to have all of that go to waste. The Aftermath: Of course, there was more to the story...my groom and groomsmen brought a young lady in the limosine from the "topless" bar around the corner because "gee wiz, she had never been to a nice wedding"...my aunts locked her in a room with her wine bottle for the ceremony. Since the groomsmen have national recognition, I will refrain from naming names. After all, that was 25 years ago. If they want to own up...they can. My groom ended up in the emergency room and was in grave danger as he had alcohol poisoning. I was given a sleeping pill and woke up the next morning to the news that he was in hospital. I had fully intended to send him there anyway! We parted ways, needless to say. Ok, embarrassing to admit, but we got engaged 2 more times. I called it off a week before and again 2 months before another possible event. Smart move...no regrets. The Bonus: I received invitations to appear on several television shows in several different locations and was even given a trip to Hawaii. The Video: I guess I could post the video if I could figure out how to upload a VHS on YouTube. I will have to work on that!